Tender Hearts

One of the things I've had a little trouble accepting since Ally's diagnosis is the fact that she will never be able to play sports.

When I was growing up, I harbored an intense desire to do gymnastics. Never ballet, never sports, but I wanted to be a gymnast so bad I couldn't stand it. It took becoming an adult and really examining the situation our family was in for me to understand why it wasn't possible. My mom was a single mother with three kids in private school and the funds just weren't there. By the time our situation had changed, she looked into it but was told I was "too old to start". I don't have any resentment for it now, but I admit I had every intention of living vicariously through my daughter, a dream only encouraged by her physical stature. She is short and compact and I merely choose to overlook her klutziness (kid can't walk through air without tripping). Gymnastics, sign her up!

Ten years ago this fall I started working for a wonderful family as a full-time nanny. The kids were 3 and 4 when I started, and I have to tell you, taking those stinking adorable kids to soccer practice and games, I made up my mind that I couldn't wait for my child to be playing. Have you ever watched four-year-olds play soccer? It might just be the cutest, funniest thing in the world. With their little jerseys and shin guards and cleats?? Soccer, sign her up!

Well, not anymore. This is such a minimal disappointment that it doesn't even warrant worrying. There are plenty of other things to do in life, and I don't feel at all deprived because I didn't play sports or get to do gymnastics as a child. Still, it was just another thing in a long list of them, the words "life altering" are not an exaggeration. Unless she one day needs and receives a heart transplant or a cure is discovered, HCM will be a part of Ally's life and will dictate what she can and cannot do.

Recently, the 9-year-old son of a friend of mine, decided he didn't want to sign up for soccer this spring. We were on the phone while he said this, and she was having no luck convincing him to do it willingly, so I said "Why don't you tell him he should play soccer since Ally can't?"
(Wow... where did my ability to lay on a guilt trip come from?)
I didn't actually intend for her to do it, but she is one of those people that I very well know you should never ask to do something if you don't really want her to do it.

I listened while she asked him if he remembered her telling him about Ally, her heart, and how she wouldn't be able to play sports. I listened while she asked him if he could maybe play soccer on Ally's behalf this year, and at the end of the season, maybe send Ally his trophy.

She said he got teary eyed when he said he would, which is a fairly accurate if understated assessment of what I was going through on the other end of the line.

This little 9-year-old boy, who has never even met Ally, signed up to play soccer for her, because she can't.

If that doesn't get to you, well... I just don't know about you.